JFR

This post is dedicated to Kurt, who taught me the "Just F*ing Run" philosophy.

Three of our regular workouts were cancelled this week because of Memorial Day and Independence Day (all holidays in Israel start the evening before, so Monday was Memorial Day eve, Tuesday was Memorial Day and the eve of Independence Day and today was Independence Day). My coach's instructions were to do one run and take two rest days. The run was supposed to be on Monday, but there was no way I could do it then -- I had private students until early evening and we had to be at the Memorial Day ceremony at about 7:45. Note that Memorial Day in Israel is nothing like Memorial Day in the US. It's a very serious, sad day here. There are ceremonies both on the eve of the holiday and the following morning and we stand in silence while a siren sounds both in the evening and the morning. Running after the ceremony just didn't seem appropriate.

Anyway, the plan was for me to do the workout with one of my teammates on Tuesday evening before going to the Independence Day celebration. However, he called me at 6 to say he was on his way out the door and I couldn't leave for another hour (I had a student). Honestly? I didn't feel much like doing the workout on Tuesday night on my own. I wanted to go out and have fun and not be tired from running. The planned workout was hard and I knew it would wear me down.

So I didn't run. We went to the Independence Day festivities at the pool, watched the fireworks and then went to an informal party with a bunch of friends (mostly teammates). We got home at around 2 a.m.

Then it was Wednesday. I'd slept late. I'd had two rest days. The weather was perfect for running. But I still didn't feel like doing it. I'd eaten a big lunch and all I felt like doing was lying on the couch and watching TV. The workout was a warm up followed by eight 400 meter intervals at 95% effort. This is one of my least favorite workouts. It's hard and it hurts. Doing it with my teammates is a bit easier -- I get to see everyone else suffering. The idea of doing it alone... Well... Let's just say that I was not very motivated. To make matters worse, my husband, who doesn't understand why I "torture myself" (his words) said that I didn't have to do the workout and that nothing would happen if I took one more rest day.

I heard my husband. I heard my own mind saying "No, no, no!" And then I got off the couch, went upstairs and got dressed. I knew I wouldn't be sorry for doing the run. Out the door I went. I ran the warm up and then it was time to start the intervals.

The first one wasn't too bad. I felt strong, at least at the beginning. Towards the end, I started to regret that big lunch. But I finished it. Of course, the first one was downhill (or, more accurately, on a decline).

The second one was harder. I was feeling kind of nauseous. But I had to run back in the other direction to get back to the starting point (and closer to home, in case I decided to quit).

After the second one, I started to think about quitting. It was too hard. I didn't feel like suffering anymore. I hate feeling nauseous. I hate breathing so hard. I hate feeling like I want to die.

JFR.

That's when I remembered. JFR.

I did the third and the fourth. I was halfway done. I hadn't vomited yet and actually, I was feeling a little bit better. But I was tired. Halfway done. I could do four more.

The next two were even harder. I could quit at six. My coach wouldn't say a word. Six was a reasonable number.

JFR.

Really, it was only two more. I could do two more.

And I did. The last two were probably the easiest. I just ran. I didn't think about anything. I was having a lot of trouble running at this point -- my legs were tired, my heart was pounding and my body was exhausted. But I just ran. And before I knew it, it was over. I did another 800 meters to cool down and then I walked home.

It's taking time, but I'm learning how to turn off my mind and just do the workout. No excuses, no fear. I finished my workout. I stuck with the plan.